Dirty Old Prom Queen

In '98 I was the prom queen and in '06 I hang out with queens. I'm a private tutor during the day and a comedian at night in ol' NYC. I just can't seem to get out of high school...can someone call the custodian? Vesuvio, I'm locked in!

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Does Anyone Remember...

what 9.8 m/s^2 means? It's the acceleration on a free falling object due to Earth's gravitational pull. You would know this if you are a) pursuing a career in physics or engineering; or, less lucrative, b) tutoring a wealthy private school teen on a Sunday afternoon with a raging hangover and yesterday's clothes on. Guess which one is me? (cue: vomit)

Such is the life of a private tutor -- a balance of appropriate and inappropriate; of mentorship and scandalization. It's only when I am creating a make-believe problem about a meteor's velocity falling toward Earth, that I remember to take my birth control. It's usually during an in-depth explanation of the Pythagorean Theorem that my cell phone rings sounding the "Thong Song." And it's only when my cutest, most reticent 8th grader shows me his 99 average in Math that I shout "fuck yeah!" jumping up and down in a Twiggy-short mini-skirt (there is no dress code for private tutors -- a fact that I have grasped to my heaving bosom and refuse to let go of).

I am a good teacher, but also 25!!! single!!!a comedian!!! and a NEW YORKER!!! I can't really behave for my students, nor do they ask me to. In fact, I feel like those inappropriate moments are what make me as good as I am. It's the fact that I can make an SAT-level rate problem, where the students (going 60 miles per hour) get to stalk, chase, and determine just how long it will take them to catch Usher (going 50 miles per hour). Everybody knows that Rate x Time = Usher!

3 Comments:

  • At 7:33 PM, Blogger tps12 said…

    It's actually 9.8 m/s/s, or 9.8 m/s^2.

    You are totally disinvited from D&D this weekend.

     
  • At 10:04 PM, Blogger abh said…

    i was going to say that -- minus the D&D bit; she's only 25, does she even know what D&D is?

     
  • At 11:03 AM, Blogger Lang said…

    You guys, I totally wrote the word "squared" afterwards. I guess I should've used the carrot, but since there is no superscript on blogger. I am without exponents. I will change it right now. Also, please let me back into the D&D club. It's all I have.

     

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