Dirty Old Prom Queen

In '98 I was the prom queen and in '06 I hang out with queens. I'm a private tutor during the day and a comedian at night in ol' NYC. I just can't seem to get out of high school...can someone call the custodian? Vesuvio, I'm locked in!

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

What is "Noony?"

"Noony" is a word that you must know in order to read this blog, because it will most likely be used in every other post.

"Noony" was invented by my good friend Julia Langbein and me to describe the essence of a middle-aged woman who takes herself a little too seriously...to a really gross degree. If you don't understand, yet, what "noony" means. The following things are "noony:"

I have created a star (*) system to distinguish between the different levels of nooniness.
* noony
** ubernoons
*** noontown, USA, population nasty.

1) drama teachers **

2) pantyhose *

2a) wearing pantyhose with open-toed sandals ***

3) the word "blouse" **

4) feminine wipes ***

5) perms *

6)Barbara Streisand in The Prince of Tides; Michelle Pfeiffer in Up Close and Personal ***

7)
stirrup pants **

8) the 40-something lady at my gym who insists on standing topless in high-cut briefs and tevas (with socks!!!!) while combing her frizzy, red, lopsided braid for god only knows how long. ******************************************************************************

Gross enough?

11 Comments:

  • At 7:05 PM, Blogger tfg said…

    Sorry, but there is nothing new under the sun. The word Noony is a sanitized term for testicle, used with young children. Usage: Don't hit your brother in the Noonies because it makes him cry.

    Nevertheless, hilarious blog.

     
  • At 2:55 PM, Blogger Dr. Phlem said…

    your such a downer

     
  • At 12:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Never in my life have I heard "noony" used instead of testicles. My family usually kept to the classic "gnads." Ah, memories. On the bright side, I now have a brand new way to insult people without them knowing it. Thanks!

     
  • At 9:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Noony IS my name!
    dont think you guys invented the word if its a common name in Egypt!
    just in case, i'm a 27 yr old female.

     
  • At 2:07 PM, Anonymous Easily Bored said…

    I know a guy who says 'noonies' when he means boobs. But now that I type it out, maybe he's a noony. Why not just say boobs?

    And there's always a downer...no matter where you go, someone's gotta kill the party.

     
  • At 1:30 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Taking yourself waay to seriously there, Noonie. Stay tuned... middle age is coming. You're already past halfway.

     
  • At 2:15 PM, Blogger Alex said…

    Nuts. Thay are called nuts. N-U-T-S, nuts. Heh.

     
  • At 10:32 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    My best friend's mom always called our girl parts (the vag not the boobs) noonies when we were little. Apparently this work is versatile.

     
  • At 9:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Sorry, but Noony is our dogs name, or nickname. His name is Brutus and Brutus became Brutus McNutus which became NucyMcNana and now he's just Noony. And the whole world knows him as Noony. And your putting a derogatory spin on a really cute nickname for a 12 pound dog. Find something else to use, at least something more appropriate to your post-menopausal ladies, such as "fupa"
    Hope you figure out soon before gravity sneaks up on you!! Good Luck...

     
  • At 8:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hey, it's our dog's name too! Her full name is Jenny Noodles, which often is truncated to just Noodles or Noo-Noo. Combine that abbreviation with Jenny, and lo, now we have Noonie.

     
  • At 10:22 PM, Blogger Invader Mixx said…

    I use it for a word for displeasure. Ex:
    "I Hate you!"
    " Noony!"

     

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