Dirty Old Prom Queen

In '98 I was the prom queen and in '06 I hang out with queens. I'm a private tutor during the day and a comedian at night in ol' NYC. I just can't seem to get out of high school...can someone call the custodian? Vesuvio, I'm locked in!

Thursday, December 15, 2005

I Can't Help but Hate...

when high schoolers/middle schoolers use the word "relationship." Especially, when they put the words "serious" or "long-term" in front of it. It's awkwardly precocious, not to mention a little grody. It reminds me of when I was little and I didn't know the words "hair dresser" or "stylist," so I would say "beautician." What a disgusting little baby I was? Anyway, I mean, is getting felt up in the back of your parent's van really a "relationship?" When your crush holds your ankles in a keg stand, does that really mean "forever?" And when you spend 15 minutes using Clinique "straight out of the free gift, so the color is for the complexion of a Sri Lankan woman" concealer to camouflage the Buick-sized hickey on the jugular part of your throat (older men know where to put their hickeys) is that really just another way of saying "I love you?"

My roommates and I were watching that MTV show, Miss Seventeen, and this 16 year-old up-and-coming rocker tells one of the girls that he just got out of a long-term relationship. I wondered, "when did this relationship start?" When you were FIVE? Ha! Because you are not very old at all for a person.

And now, that I, the incredibly sage love wizard, has said my peace on this, I think it's time that I retire to my incredibly grown-up room to draw hearts and write "I Love Renaldo" (he's the cute janitor at work) all over my Fil-o-fax, while I wonder, "whose heart am I gonna have to break today? Whose?"


  • At 4:46 PM, Blogger me said…

    one time, when i was watching Miss Seventeen for three point four seconds, one of the girls, said to the other threateningly "I don't play with hoes like that." But there was no neck snapping or nothing theatrical--it was cold and sober like she said shit like that all the time. And I thought HOW OLD ARE YOU? "I don't play with hoes like that." Who the f*ck says that without having ever had a baby? Or a pimp?

  • At 9:31 AM, Blogger east side girl said…

    I just found your blog and it's really funny. Can't wait to read more!

  • At 11:54 PM, Blogger The Singing Butler said…

    I totally saw that episode too and was sort of confused by the emo dude. He probably just made it up so he could have some false basis for his crappy songwriting.

  • At 3:56 PM, Blogger Jules said…

    It reminds me of when I was little and I didn't know the words "hair dresser" or "stylist," so I would say "beautician." What a disgusting little baby I was?


    I'm dying, lang.


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