Dirty Old Prom Queen

In '98 I was the prom queen and in '06 I hang out with queens. I'm a private tutor during the day and a comedian at night in ol' NYC. I just can't seem to get out of high school...can someone call the custodian? Vesuvio, I'm locked in!

Thursday, April 06, 2006

6th Season Soprofoundos

This season of the Sopranos -- my favorite show on television -- so far has been awesome, but reeeeeeaaaaallllly existential, right?

Very little wacking...but a whole lot of pontification about "who we are" and "why we're here." After last week's episode, I felt as if I had been through a combo of therapy, philosophy class, and church. When did becoming a wise guy, actually mean becoming wise?

Quick scene count from last Sunday's episode:

Number of scenes where an old cancer-ridden rocket scientist explained Quantum physics to two gunshot-wounded gangstas (Tony and rap artist Da Lux) and their crews: 1

Number of scenes where the same old sage explains that people are not separate entities but that we are all connected as collections of molecules: 2

Number of scenes exploring evangelical Christianity and the validity of evolution: 2

Number of scenes where a key character poignantly confronts himself, his place in the world, his future, and his own death: every single scene, except for...for...nope every single scene

Number of scenes where Paulie cries: 1

Number of scenes where someone's knocked to the ground and beaten: 2...only 2

Number of scenes where a character asked another character to wack or shoot him: 2 -- curiously, once to end someone's life and once to make someone's life better

Number of shots of that creepy Ojibwe saying: 3

Number of scenes where the wind was mentioned in a sort of other-worldly kind of way: 2 (1 in relation to the molecules speech and 1 regarding Native American beliefs)

It's getting deep y'all. It's getting ralll, ralll deep.

If this soul here are a few of my predictions for what we can expect in future episodes:

1) It's revealed that Dr. Melfi is an old Ojibwe prophet, sent from the past to save the future via the mob.

2) The whole crew revamp their infrastructure for the purpose of more positive Feng Shui

3) Dance numbers. Lots of dance numbers. (not a prediction, just a wish)

4) Twice the number of meaningful, heartfelt, prescient looks (not a prediction, a promise)

5) Now that Tony has come out of his coma, he, as the leader of the Northern New Jersey mafia, will in fact reveal the meaning of life...in the finale.

6) Adriana returns as the skimpiest-dressed angel of all time, with lacy wings, to reveal Doomsday whilst chewing Dentyne White.


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