Dirty Old Prom Queen

In '98 I was the prom queen and in '06 I hang out with queens. I'm a private tutor during the day and a comedian at night in ol' NYC. I just can't seem to get out of high school...can someone call the custodian? Vesuvio, I'm locked in!

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

I'm Not Jewish but...

Happy Freaking Passover!!!

You guys, I am soooo mother-effing psyched that it is Passover. I'm not Jewish...yet. Moishe where's my ring?!! But I am really excited for two reasons:

#1 Low carb count = skinny jeans for at least a week

That's right folks, I'm observing Passover...any reason to starve myself, any reason at all. Gimme any fasting holiday and I will worship your god(s)

#2 Passover at the Pitkins!!

Bestie Michelle has watched me for years staring through the windows of Jewish families on Passover. She has observed me silently weep as I see the children hunt for the Afikommen; and she has sighed and shaken her head while I mouth the words pathetically to "Dayenu." So, last year, when she caught me attempting to squeeze myself into one of her stylish suitcases so that I could join her at her grandparents sedar, she delicately lifted me out, patted my head, and said, "next year, little one, next year." We sealed this oath in blood and matzah and buried it underground in a Coach bag.

And she has kept her promise, ladies and gents. She has kept her promise. Michelle has so kindly invited me, a little WASP from the South, to participate in this extremely amazing Passover Sedar at Mo Pitkins tomorrow (Thursday, April 13th). I will be playing the part of Elijah the Prophet, which I have been told is like playing the North Star in the Christmas Pageant -- I was only ever asked to play Donkey #2 or Pine Cone #7.

I am filled with the joy of thousands of years of heartbreak and struggle!!! Also performing are NYC's best Jewish comedians -- yes, there are some Jewish comedians in New York.

I won't let you down Passover, I won't let you down.


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