Dirty Old Prom Queen

In '98 I was the prom queen and in '06 I hang out with queens. I'm a private tutor during the day and a comedian at night in ol' NYC. I just can't seem to get out of high school...can someone call the custodian? Vesuvio, I'm locked in!

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Dream Ruined

Every girl gets only a handful of romantic comedy moments in her little life and I just royally fucked up one of the few that I was given. Picture this:


It's pouring out, you're standing in the subway contemplating how to get home, because you forgot your umbrella. Your only option is to run for it. The wind and rain sting your face as you leap out of the subway entrance. Your flowy skirt clings to your firm, nubile body. You yell because you feel free, you feel like a woman, and you are getting some much-needed exercise. All of a sudden, a young man runs along side of you and puts an umbrella over your drenched little head.

What do you do?

Clearly, you smile sheepishly and thank him through your embarrassed yet charming and feminine giggles. You lightly brush the soaked strands of hair away from your forehead. And then you ask your hero his name. Where does he live? Does he want to come in for a hot chocolate?

What did I do?

I initially trip over my own feet, because I think I am being attacked and I have a hard time stopping running once I have started. I say "thank you" through a lot of wheezing (I ran only 5 steps, but have not been to the gym since summer). And then...silence...and more silence...and a lot of awkward glances.... And then I say "you know, I can make it from here" and I retardedly walk into a puddle and run a block home. I might have peed a little bit on myself.

And then, it was gone. My romantic comedy moment turned into diarrhea before my eyes.

6 Comments:

  • At 4:44 PM, Blogger Jessica said…

    Thank you for brightening my otherwise shit-filled day.
    I'm always impressed by the number of umbrella-wielding princes in this city and also by my complete ineptitude in gracefully accepting their kind gestures.

     
  • At 4:58 PM, Blogger MCC said…

    i actually just lol'd

     
  • At 5:15 PM, Blogger Katy said…

    i, too, l'd-o-l

     
  • At 10:27 AM, Blogger Buffy said…

    Ok. Another belly laugh from me. Especially at the bit where you thought he was attacking you.

    Hey, pays to be safe!

     
  • At 10:38 AM, Blogger kat said…

    This might make you feel better-- I once found myself in a similar situation (rescued by a hot young man with an umbrella while running through the rain), and even though the whole thing was perfectly played and, as the water poured down around us, he asked me out for hot chocolate while I brushed my wet hair out of my eyes... it turned out that my hot young man with umbrella was actually a middle-aged dude with a comb-over and pleated pants. Romance really is dead.

     
  • At 10:52 AM, Blogger DrunkBrunch said…

    Ugh, I can relate... so many missed opportunities in the city... especially when you think you're being jumped!

     

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