Dirty Old Prom Queen

In '98 I was the prom queen and in '06 I hang out with queens. I'm a private tutor during the day and a comedian at night in ol' NYC. I just can't seem to get out of high school...can someone call the custodian? Vesuvio, I'm locked in!

Wednesday, December 21, 2005


As the transit strike drags on and people are telling their children to get into cars with strangers, I am having a little bit of a problem reconciling going to my 2-hour private tutoring appointments when there is a 5-hour round trip commute that involves, in no particular order, cabs, frozen feet, jet skis, homeless piggyback rides, and miniature horses. What's hilarious, though, is that before I can even consider cancelling on my students, they beat me to the punch. My phone today:


student A: Hey Lang...listennnnnn, theeere's a traaaansit strike happening...aaaaaaaaand I am like reeeeeaaaallly far away...aaaaaaand I have no way of returning home...ever...soooo I don't know how I'm gonna make it home for our appointment.

me: Oh okay. That's fine. Give me a call sometime when you want to reschedule.


student B: Hi Lang! Did we have an appointment today?

me: yes.

student B: Oops. I totally forgot and I'm on Christmas vacation...in the Galapagos.

me: your cell phone works in the Galapagos?

student B: (dial tone)


student C: Lang, listen...it's over between us...it was good when it was good, but those times are gone...all we do is fight now.

me: That's not true. What are you saying?

student C: I can't do this anymore. I love you but it hurts too bad to go on. I'm leaving you.

me: Damn you! Damn you Tommy and your games!!!

Anyway, so I got to stay in all day and watch the first season of the Sopranos and man, was it violent!

FYI, one thing that you never knew as a student: when there is a snow day or practice is cancelled or you have a field trip, your teachers are just (if not more) excited to get the day off.


  • At 11:21 AM, Blogger MCC said…

    i just found your blog...and boy do i love it.
    i was homecoming king and class representative during high school, and wrote music reviews for the school newspaper on Bikini Kill and Liz Phair.
    I think we would have been wonderful high school buddies.

    hope you and the wieners are well.

  • At 4:37 PM, Blogger matty said…


    I wanna hear the prom queen story.


Post a Comment

<< Home