a cane and...
a big shoe.
Why? Maybe because combined, these two elements are more flattering than control-top panties? Or maybe, because while I was drunk as a skunk at my own birthday party, I managed to roll out of my heels and fracture my foot. That's right folks, yours truly managed to break her foot at her own birthday bash. Needless to say, I had had enough cocktails to dull the pain so that it wasn't until the next day when I realized that I couldn't walk.
And when the sun rose on that day and my foot looked at me all fat and black, I just laughed. I laughed and laughed and laughed...until I cried. I will always remember this as the birthday that made me a cripple.