Dirty Old Prom Queen

In '98 I was the prom queen and in '06 I hang out with queens. I'm a private tutor during the day and a comedian at night in ol' NYC. I just can't seem to get out of high school...can someone call the custodian? Vesuvio, I'm locked in!

Monday, May 22, 2006

I Am Definitely NOT This Kind of Teacher

Thanks Liam for this article about a Texas teacher who asked his principal for permission to take a 17 year-old student to prom under the guise that he was a "family friend." Smooooooooooooooooth moooooooooooooooooove, Sean! I mean honestly way to keep your statchy rapey secrey all locked up and then drop the key right into the authorities' Trapper Keeper, you know? And what if he had been crowned king? Scandalous!

Shockingly, the principal, concerned that more might be going on, decided to look into the relationship between the sleazebucket and his lolita...and things had definitely moved past the Whoopi Goldberg - Lauren Hill mentor-mentee relaysh into a Patrick Swayze-Jennifer Grey rebellious, naked, flying, dancing skinpalooza. Grode. Thusly, no corsages, no slow dances to Mary J., no photos, no punch, no crown, no prom for this totally inappropriate couple. Frown.

Don't worry Sean, I'm sure that Jose "Deez Guns" J in cell block six will go with you to the Houston County Jail's Winter Formal. This year, the theme is "Starry Nights and Shiv Fights."


A 10 yr-old girl from my hometown of Pensacola, Florida crashed into a couple of cars and a fire hydrant, when she stole her guardian's SUV. She also apparently threw a toddler and a 5 year-old in the back. It seems like she was playing the ultimate game of house. I wonder if she was pretending to run errands? Here are my top 5 guesses to where this child was driving:

1) Candy Store
2) Toy Store
3) Disney World
4) Fantasia
5) Jiffy Lube

But the most hilarious part of the article was this quote from the Escambia County sheriff's Dept:

She was so little she had to go down and hit the gas and pop her head back up to see where she was going.

Isn't that cayuuuuuuuuute!! That's how my friend Julia drives, too!


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