Dirty Old Prom Queen

In '98 I was the prom queen and in '06 I hang out with queens. I'm a private tutor during the day and a comedian at night in ol' NYC. I just can't seem to get out of high school...can someone call the custodian? Vesuvio, I'm locked in!

Thursday, May 18, 2006

I Couldn't Tear Myself Away

The other night, I decided to stay in and have a night to myself in front of the telly. I ordered in some chinese food, got myself comfy, and started surfing my hundreds of Time Warner channels, pausing briefly on my favorites like Discovery Health and the Food Network. Discovery Health was broadcasting a show about face-eating tumors that I had already seen, while the Food Network was showing Emeril (love Emeril's food, not crazy about the show).

Hence, I moved on, my thumb bouncing lightly on the Channel Down button, until...it stopped. I had found it. The movie of my dreams - and the dreamweaver was Lifetime. The film, if I may be so bold, was your typical Lifetime movie: a story about a young high school girl, who is dating an ultra-popular yet ultra-abusive boy, yet she is so myopic about his popularity and "being in love" that she fails to notice that he beats her all the time and is an insane maniac.

Now, you may all be thinking, "what is wrong with Lang? Why would she enjoy this?" Well, folks, because the abusive boyfriend was Fred Savage and the abused girlfriend was Candace Cameron. Literally, Kevin Arnold was a-beatin' on DJ Tanner. The plot is as follows: takes virginity, tells her he loves her, becomes insanely jealous all the time, is abusive, still manages to be the best athlete on the WRESTLING team, and then, in the end, he kills her when she tries to break up with him, but all as the characters of Kevin Arnold and DJ Tanner (I'm lying).

SO, THIS GUY
+
THIS GIRL

=
SERIOUS VIOLENC...buuuuuut they're sooooo cute -- look at em! Awwww.


Equally as horrible as the subject matter of this movie are the mid-90s outfits. A lot of tapered jeans and oversized flannels. Gots to love that Lifetime though.

3 Comments:

  • At 2:45 PM, Blogger john said…

    what's that i smell? is it the scent of "noony"???

    ;)

     
  • At 11:04 PM, Blogger Katy said…

    is DJ seriously holding a puppy on the cover ot TEEN BEAT?? and who sewed her that friendship bracelet? yeah right it came from a friend! some highly paid photo stylist stayed up for 48 hours knotting the string for the bracelet in that shot.

    DJ Tanner and Kevin Arnold? Where were Steve and Winnie while all this was going on?? I need to start watching more Lifetime.

     
  • At 4:18 PM, Anonymous Michelle said…

    I love this movie! I remember watching it when I was 10 and in love with "Kevin Arnold." Thanks for reminding me of this guilty pleasure...

     

Post a Comment

<< Home