Dirty Old Prom Queen

In '98 I was the prom queen and in '06 I hang out with queens. I'm a private tutor during the day and a comedian at night in ol' NYC. I just can't seem to get out of high school...can someone call the custodian? Vesuvio, I'm locked in!

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Master and Commander

Okay, how boozhy is this? I have started the Master Cleanse, otherwise known as the Lemonade Diet. I don't think I will make it the whole 10 days, but I love the idea of having my whole system flushed out. I decided to jump on the fasting wagon, when I caught myself inhaling lines of mac n' cheese while bathing in Svedka vodka. I said to myself, "Lang, you are not doing your body any favors...and are actually harming it intensely." Sooooooo, I am flushing all of the toxins out and letting only good stuff in. Basically, this means no food and only special lemonade.

Today is Day 3. AND I AM STARVING!!!! I AM SO HUNGRY!!! I want a perogie, and a candy, and a hamburger, and a beer, and a dumpling.... The list goes on. Yesterday and today are supposed to be the hardest days. Their only advice for your hunger is to drink more of the lemonade...let me tell you what I don't want any more of -- the lemonade. But I would love paella or one tic tac.

By the way, this is no normal lemonade. This lemonade is made with syrup and cayenne pepper and it is ALL you get. For 10 DAYS! It tastes like Heartburn flavored Gatorade.


I can't stop sweating. And I feel like I am embarking on a visionquest. Sometimes I hear voices. Sometimes my dreams don't stop when I wake up. (I'm being dramatic, cuz I hungy.)

Consequently, anywhere else in the country/world, people would think that this kind of starvation madness is a ridiculous form of self torture. However, in NYC, so many people have tried it, ask around, you'll be surprised. People love the Master Cleanse.

So sweaty.

4 Comments:

  • At 6:00 PM, Blogger tps12 said…

    Of course your mood improves when you stop starving yourself. What nonsense.

     
  • At 6:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    i'm so glad you're trying this 'cause i was about to do it but now i think i'll wait 7 days and see how it turns out for you! aha, virtual guinea pig.

     
  • At 7:22 AM, Blogger Katy said…

    my sister does stuff like this. not with lemonade, though. there is no way i'm giving up solid food for more than three hours. perhaps a colon cleansing is faster and less torturous?

     
  • At 10:00 AM, Blogger www.jonathansayreallen.com said…

    there has to be a better way to "cleanse" than with SUGAR WATER!

     

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