Excerpted from My Student's Practice SAT Essay

Folks, can I quote something from one of my kids practice SAT essays? Okay, the essay is about why people change

"Many people change everyday, some change is extreme and some changes aren't really noticeable, but change is all around us."

okay so far so good

"People change everyday, I have changed dramatically so that I could live a better life."

Intrigued. Where is he going with this?

"I quit smoking cigarettes so that I could have a better chance to get with the girl of my dreams."

What??? Noooooooooooooooooooo!

Newsflash: Kids, don't talk about your cigarette addiction or "getting with" a hot girl in your SAT essay.


Here's my impression of this kid's college essay.

"So, I was hanging at Binaca's house and her parents weren't home and you know, I scored this E from a friend of a friend of Tony's. Anyway, I gave her a pill and said, "let's take our shirts off" and she said, "only if you go to college." So, like I feel like I would be a good match for your institution, because all the fly honeys be lovin' up in this shit."