Dirty Old Prom Queen

In '98 I was the prom queen and in '06 I hang out with queens. I'm a private tutor during the day and a comedian at night in ol' NYC. I just can't seem to get out of high school...can someone call the custodian? Vesuvio, I'm locked in!

Monday, March 06, 2006

Oscarappy dappy doo

Ugh, Crash, ugh. I reeeeeaaaaalllllly wanted Brokeback to win. Doesn't anyone care about reality? Or subtlety? How come it takes a four year-old latina getting shot with blanks to win an award? I just really felt like Brokeback was a superior film all around. But honestly, isn't one incredibly sincere love story more profound in its simple complexity than every race issue in existence being hammered into your head by a series of car crashes and over-the-top racial slurs? Ugh, Crash. I just wasn't a fan. If some of you were fans, please don't yell at me, especially since your movie won.

Luckily, though, my second favorite movie of the year, Jenny McCarthy's Dirty Love took home the Razzie for worst movie of the year. If you have not seen this rapt and trenchant portrayal of the female psyche, you must On Demand as soon as possible. When she takes E and effs the man with a bass in his ass, I think we all understood a little better the human condition. And I certainly felt each ovary ache with empathy when Ms. McCarthy ran through the aisles of the grocery store leaking liters of menstrual blood. While obviously it goes without saying that the most moving scene of the film was when she gets snubbed by her ex-boyfriend model at the runway show and runs out grabbing both of her bare breasts and screaming. It's a must-see folks. A. Must. See.

5 Comments:

  • At 6:29 AM, Blogger d4nce4m01 said…

    Wow Lang, way to ruin crash for me!!xD

    I think Brokeback should've won though, if only because Jake was in it.

    But I know next to nothing about being critical about films. I think Phantom of the Opera should've recieved best film.

     
  • At 7:01 AM, Blogger Motor City Monk said…

    I agree that Crash was overrated. I mean come on with hitting me over the head with the shit.

    Thanks for the reco on Dirty Love - I always see it in the DVD store and walk by it though I generally like Jenny. I'll definitely check it out now...but if it sucks I'm coming after you!

     
  • At 8:18 AM, Blogger tps12 said…

    Bass in the ass? Guitar or largemouth?

     
  • At 4:24 PM, Blogger revpants said…

    "Crash" was misspelled; "Crap" is a little closer. Also, "Worst Movie Ever" is even closer.

    Haydn Christiansen rules. So does your blog, DOPQ. Hearts and flowers from the Pants. And a poke in the eye.

     
  • At 4:11 PM, Blogger Jules said…

    No. A bass in the ass? Really? Can we OD that asap please?

     

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