Dirty Old Prom Queen

In '98 I was the prom queen and in '06 I hang out with queens. I'm a private tutor during the day and a comedian at night in ol' NYC. I just can't seem to get out of high school...can someone call the custodian? Vesuvio, I'm locked in!

Monday, July 24, 2006

Mid-afternoon Train to Brooklyn

Sigh, what's nicer than a long, romantic walk across the Brooklyn Bridge? The majestic East River splashing under you. The stunning New York skyline in front of -- or behind, depending on which way you are walking -- you. Local joggers, dog-walkers, young families, and couples in love traverse this bridge daily to feel at once out in the open and in the center of this urban metropolis. Which is why, after a friend's birthday brunch a week ago, feeling very full of delicious eggs benedict, my friend Chloe and I decided to walk off said brunch with a spirited trek from SoHo back to Brooklyn.

By the time we made it to Chinatown, both of us were feeling sweaty, but yet stalwart about completing our journey. And then my lovely comrade said, "hey, instead of the Brooklyn Bridge, why don't we walk over the Manhattan Bridge? No one ever walks across the Manhattan Bridge?"

I shook my head. "I don't know anyone who has."

"Let's do it!" she exclaimed.

So, we did.

My friends, there is a reason why no one walks across the Manhattan Bridge...or as I like to call it "The Poor Man's Brooklyn Bridge." It's a fine bridge for cars, stretching between the great thoroughfares of Canal Street and Flatbush Avenue. It's perfect for any cab carrying some drunken slut, who's crawled out of a seedy East Village dive, back to her home in Fort Greene. But for people to amble across, it is a 'no go.'

Some lesser reasons being that unlike the Brooklyn Bridge, where you walk above the traffic and under the impressive arches, the Manhattan Bridge, you walk alongside traffic and the scenery is marred by a graffiti and urine-covered concrete enclosure. Although, you can look through the chain fence at the vacant rotting apartments below in East Chinatown as you ascend a never-ending incline.

The main reason, however, that no one takes a date on a walk across the Manhattan Bridge, is that SEVERAL train lines also use the Manhattan Bridge as their crossing point. So, your conversation sounds like this:

Lang: So, that brunch was de...

N TRAIN:
RRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lang: licious.

Chloe: It certainly...

Q TRAIN:
RRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!

Lang: Wow, these trains sure are...

Q TRAIN in the other direction:
RRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRR.... (comes to a stop) SQUEEEEEAAAKKKK... (moves again) ROOOOOOOOOAAAAAAARRRRRR!!!!!!

Chloe: No I know... it's like every time we say anything, the train...

D TRAIN:
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRR!!!! HONK HONK HONK HONK!!!!

B TRAINS (in both directions) :
RRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRR!!!! HONK HONK!!! RRRRROOOOAR!!!

So, basically, you just walk and sweat in complete silence with one another. You give an occasional awkward smile, but mostly just stare straight ahead and sweat and climb. The high points are watching fit joggers sprint past you, but mostly you just avoid puddles and say "hi" during the brief silences.

4 Comments:

  • At 1:33 PM, Blogger tps12 said…

    On the other hand, if you're on the Manhattan Bridge, you don't have to look at the Manhattan Bridge.

    Also there is a liquor store right at the Manhattan side of the bridge that will sell you a teeny bottle of chilled white wine in a little brown sack. That'll last you the walk across.

     
  • At 4:05 PM, Blogger Gringcorp said…

    I used the Manhattan Bridge to walk to work during the transit strike, so the noise wasn't an issue.

    It had two advantages over the Brooklyn Bridge. 1) It was a slightly more direct direct route, and 2) That frightful a**hole Marty Markowitz wasn't waiting at the other end.

     
  • At 4:18 PM, Blogger Phil said…

    I'd never walk across the Manhattan Bridge. However, I happily ride my bike across it. It's much better for cyclists than the Brooklyn Bridge because there are so few pedestrians on it. The MB even has a dedicated bike path on the north side. It's not any less disgusting than the south side, but it's free of tourists with cameras.

     
  • At 2:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    i dig the bridge....when i first trotted across with my bff we were stoked, until we saw the only other person walking across was quite possibly a) crazy or b) a serial killer....there's really no escape on the bridge. bring a knife.

     

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